I have become addicted to the mute button on all my sound-blaring devices. It gives me a sense of empowerment over the profit-motivated streaming services that really don’t want me to tune their ads out. It empowers me to watch sporting events without the unneeded commentary of the Lego head-shaped former ath-a-letes who are generally as informative as a lint brush to increase my joy in their former game. The mute button allows actual conversation between myself and my beloved. It’s kind of an aphrodisiac for us both.
Back to the ads. It has become so much fun to imagine what the actors are saying in the myriad of pharmaceutical commercials as they lambada on a cruise ship that seems to head into the sunset (and/or hell) or bicycling the Napa Valley on their tandem bikes with Lee pressed-on smiles on their leathery faces as a tour bus comes swerving toward them. “Darling, Xyesterolpopppie makes me want to ride all night.”—Caution: side effects may include odd voice-overs, an end of your serious acting gigs, and loss of dignity. Restless Life Syndrome?
Our world has become crazily loud. As Mose Allison would croon, “Everyone is crying out for mercy” but first this word from our sponsor. I dream of a mute button that could be pushed when a person is loud-talking on their iPhone while taking a leisurely walk. I long for one in the movie theater when people are talking through the trailers (unless it is my wife wondering who “that” actress is—but sometimes…). I lust for a mute button when the teenagers are wending and winding their way home from High School screeching at each other. And where is the mute button when the neighbor turns on their rocket-engine-powered leafblower?
I realize that I’m not likely to get a lot of sympathy from people who have things like children, yappy dogs, and good friends but I am sure some curmudgeonly people are reading this and going “yes!” For you I say, go to your windows right now, throw them open and with your remote controls in hand, mute the world!